Today was quite a day, we had our history CST which was a piece of cake. 

I saw the cute guy that hangs out near us during nutrition and sometimes lunch, ugh I wish I had the courage to talk to him. 

I took my permit test after school and missed six on it, which is acceptable but disappointing. When I had gotten my results after a hispanic girl got hers (failed) she assumed I had also failed because I am an asian female. So when I walked by her she congratulated herself loudly that she wasn’t the only one who had failed. I gave her the dirtiest look and I announced that I actually passed. She was so embarrassed. Serves her right. 

I then got to go to St Bruno’s Carnival. To be honest I wasn’t that excited to go, I just thought it would get my mind off of things, but It did so much more than that. We had a pretty bigass group. Evie and I got a little tired of the crowdedness and we bought some kettle corn and sat outside for a while. We saw some cute guys and hung out with Angie and them. I really enjoyed hanging out with them, I needed some time to just let go of being such a frigid bitch. I needed time to loosen up and just live in the moment. I couldn’t remember being sad I just felt so happy. 

When we all went on the swings at the end of the night, I felt so full of euphoria oh god. I could not stop smiling

I always felt like I would be more excited to go. Hopefully it will turn out to be the fairytale I had imagined it to be. I can’t find a dress that fits, Or at least I feel like I look fat in every dress I try on. Partly because I keep eating horrible shit that I know I shouldn’t be eating, but I can’t stop myself. I know that I have no one to impress at LS. I mean I’m happier this way eating, but then I’m miserable when I’m fat and I’m euphoric when I weigh 80 lbs. I need that thigh gap back. 

So apparently people all over tumblr want unique names like 

applejews

lemonjews

orangejews

cranberryjews but no one has chosen 

jambajews

I feel special.